According to the Holmes and Rahe’s Stress Scale, divorce is second on the list of the 43 life changing events that affect your health.  I remember myself as a young 29 year-old, having survived 10 years of a rocky marriage with two small children in tow.  Divorce was not easy or wanted, but yet I found myself needing to make the decision to move out, find another place to live and start the long, challenging road to divorce.  As a legal secretary, I had access to the best attorneys, yet, looking back, I realize that I lacked appropriate emotional advice, effective financial guidance and I lived day to day feeling anxious and stressed. Under this stress, I needed to make life altering decisions related not only to my wellbeing, but the wellbeing of my children and our future.  I didn’t know where to go or where to turn and felt like I was at the mercy of my ex and our attorneys.  Even though I had great attorneys, they could only respond to my directions and the Court’s decisions.  Somehow, I had to figure it out on my own and make the best decisions I could with the information I had at the time.

For 30 years, I have worked in a law office as a paralegal and business manager.  I am passionate about helping women take control over their emotional and financial futures, especially through a divorce.  After going through this heart wrenching process alone, I realized we can be better, and we can do better.  I now know how helpful it is to have a financial planner who understands the financial aspects of divorce and the legal process.  I realize the critical need of a therapist who is there when the days are dark and the emotions run high.  And choosing the right attorney can have a lasting impact on the financial and emotional outcomes of a divorce.

It is important that you know that you do have rights and choosing the right attorney is a critical part in determining the outcome of your divorce.  Just because an attorney practices family law doesn’t necessarily mean that your rights will be protected or that your best interests will be the primary focus in dissolving your marriage.

Here are 10 questions to help you choose an attorney who will support your specific needs during the divorce process:

• How much do you charge, how frequently will you bill me and when will payment be due? How much retainer do you require initially and on an ongoing basis?
• What other fees, costs and expenses will I have to pay?
• Can you give me an approximate estimate of the total cost of the divorce?
• Are there less experienced attorneys or paralegals who can perform some of the work at a lower per hour rate?
• Will you provide me with a monthly progress report free of charge?
• Will the progress report provide an update on the progress of the projected budget as well?
• Will you personally handle my divorce negotiations?
• Are you more likely to tell me what to do, or offer options and expect me to make a decision?
• Will you be my day-to-day contact or will I mainly be working with another attorney on your staff?
• What is the best way to contact you, and how quickly should I expect to receive a response?

The answers to these questions determine the type and quality of communication you’ll have with your attorney during your divorce.  While it can be very intimidating to sit face to face with an attorney, these questions are important to ask and will play a significant role in the overall relationship between you and the attorney you choose.

If you feel uncomfortable asking these questions, have someone knowledgeable along with you to ask these questions for you. 

A word of caution if you are consulting friends or family who’ve recently gotten divorced:  every situation is unique unto itself and what may have worked or not worked for your friend and/or family member may not be relevant to you and your family.  A legal liaison can prove to be a critical component during your engagement with your attorney.  A legal liaison can assure that you remain “in the know” and “prepared and organized” so that you are always moving ahead with confidence. A legal liaison can help you gather the necessary paperwork and assist with pre-divorce budgeting, they can help you ask the tough questions of both yourself and the attorney role so that you can be prepared and informed as much as possible.

Please remember, no matter how you proceed during this life transition, be sure to access as much information as you can before making any binding decisions. #UwillbeOK!